It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye….(UPDATED)

Jun11

Last week was truly the highest of highs and the lowest of lows for our family. When I say ‘our family’ I’m not referring to our vast and extensive extended family, but rather the family unit that Brett and I consist of. We are a family of three; Brett, myself and Bogey, our dog. Bogey is absolutely our family. He is our fur-kid. And he is beyond spoiled. We (read I) go paparazzi nuts with the camera, in fact I have an entire Facebook album dedicated to pictures of Bogey.

Recently, Bogey’s health had taken a turn south, so we did what any parents would do, we rushed him to the ER. When we got to the hospital, Bogey was weak, dehydrated and his color was off, he looked pale. We were freaking out. We didn’t know what was wrong. I have to say, Blue Pearl in Overland Park, KS is the nicest, most compassionate place I’ve ever been. They were so incredible helping us through a very tough couple of nights. After two nights at the hospital, Bogey came home! Diagnosis? Bleeding ulcers. Bummer. But, they were totally treatable, and he would be okay. Hooray! Medicine and a bland diet for a week and he seemed to be alright.

But, while we were at the ER the first night, the doctor came in and told us that Bogey had a perianal tumor (which is what they originally thought the problem was). After lots of tests, they decided that wasn’t the cause of his emergency visit, but that we should still take him to his regular doctor and have that tumor looked at.

We scheduled an appointment and had some samples of the tumor sent off for a cytology report, which came back inconclusive. Meaning, it might not be cancer, but it might be cancer. But, it needed to come out. So, we scheduled the surgery.

Bogey had surgery at 8:00 a.m. on Thursday, June 7th. He was scared, but okay. I was there with him, and told him how great he was doing. He didn’t even squirm, which was great because that meant no full anesthesia! Local anesthesia is all he needed, which, given his age (15!) was a great thing. Tumor was removed and he was stitched up and, after a couple of hours at the doctor for post-op observation, we were on our way home. His tumor was sent off to get biopsied and we’re just awaiting results to find out if it was cancerous or not, so we can start forming a treatment plan for our Dude.

Thursday night was a rough night for everyone. Bogey hated his Elizabethan collar, which everyone knows as ‘the cone of shame.’ He freaked out and started running in to things trying to rip the collar off. I hated seeing him panic, so I took it off of him. Then he started throwing up, which, if I had just recovered from bleeding ulcers, and then had surgery and then freaked out, would probably throw up, too. Brett stayed up with him until about 3:30 a.m. That’s when Bogey finally decided to lay down and go to sleep. On Friday, he seemed okay. Great! Our Dude just hated his collar and basically threw the equivalent of a screaming, kicking, crying-until-you-throw-up tantrum. He didn’t really eat much Friday, so I made him some chicken (I told you, he’s spoiled). He chowed it down and everything seemed good. Friday night, more vomiting. But, not as bad as Thursday night. So, maybe the food upset his stomach. He probably ate too fast. But, his breathing seemed off, and his behavior was off too. But he did just have surgery 24 hours ago and now has stitches in his hiney….

Saturday, he was walking around the basement in the morning. We gave him head pats, and rubbed his ears. Like the concerned fur-mom I am, I still thought his breathing didn’t sound right, but he seemed alright, just tired (which is understandable since he’d spent two nights throwing up). We decided to leave him downstairs (with his favorite red blanket) to get some rest and went to check on him every hour to see if he wanted to go outside. He was laying at the foot of the stairs, and would look up at us when we came down, but wasn’t interested in going outside. So, we would rub his head and belly, and give him kisses and tell him how much we loved him.

At 5:30 p.m. on Saturday, June 9th, Bogey was no longer breathing. It was heartbreaking. I got Brett and told him that Bogey wasn’t breathing anymore and we sat there and hugged our Dude and cried together. My heart broke more. Brett’s Mom came down and cried with us, too. And his sister came down, cried with us, and we all said a prayer to St. Francis asking him to watch our Boy until we got home.

As much as losing our Dude sucks (and it is the big time suck) I learned a lot over the last few days and weeks. I learned that Brett and I are an amazing team, even in super sucky, super awful situations. We connect to form a strength that is stronger than either of us individually. I learned there are awesome people who care about our Dude as much as we do. I learned about Blue Pearl Emergency Pet Services and their incredible staff. And I learned that we have the most quality people in our lives. Our families and friends are truly some of the best people on Earth and we are so incredibly blessed to have them.

Having to say goodbye to Bogey sucked. It still sucks. Every time I walk downstairs I expect to see his fluffy little face look up from his bed. I expect to see his red blanket laying on his bed. I look at the clock and realize that Bogey probably needs to go to the bathroom. I still look around for him. And while the emptiness sucks and has left a hole in my heart, I find a small amount of joy knowing that our Boy isn’t hurting anymore. That whatever pain he was feeling, he’s free from it. He’s running, and jumping, and chasing squirrels and snoozing in the sunshine. I find comfort in knowing that St. Francis welcomed our Boy with open and loving arms, and I’m sure he gave him his favorite snack, Cheese-Its, when he got there.

With all that knowledge, I find peace with the emptiness.

The last three weeks of Bogey’s life were not the best, I’m sure. He spent too many hours at doctor’s offices. But, he also spent a lot of time at the playground, laying in sunshine, lounging next to us, giving us hugs and kisses, and bringing us smiles and joy. So, I’m grateful for that.

Bogey lived a really long, great life. In dog years he was 15, which makes him 105 in human years. 105! What a great life. He had lots of adventures, and even got to spend a few years of his life as a Texas dog (which automatically makes him one of the coolest dogs in Heaven). He spent his final days at home, with his family. Surrounded by love and laughter. What a life.

So, this part is for our Dude: Rest in peace, Bogey. We love you forever and we’ll see you when we get home. Until then, listen to St. Francis, don’t just eat your vitamins, you cannot have all his french fries, you do NOT eat Raisinets (even though you think you do), I’ll pretend I don’t know you’re eating way too many Cheese-Its, and because you are one spoiled kiddo, I won’t even yell at you if you’re laying on our bed when we get home (just please don’t have muddy feet). Love Forever, Mom and Dad.

Thank you everyone who said a prayer, had us in their thoughts, sent good vibes, asked how Bogey was, sent us messages, gave us hugs or sat and cried with us. You are the best people. We are so, so grateful. The love and support our family has been given over the last three weeks has been amazing, and has truly helped us make it through this big pile of suck. So once again, THANK YOU!

Here are some of my favorite pictures of Captain Bogey P. VonFluffenstein the 14th

As a matter of fact, I would LOVE some Cheese-Its!

Captain Bogey P. VonFluffenstein, Protector of the Universe.

I’m BatDog.

Yeah. I pop my collar. And?

My two boys, watching the X-Files.

I hear everything. I’m BatDog.

Sun Snoozin’

Just Mom & Bogs

Dear Lord, please open your gates
and call St. Francis
to come escort this beloved companion
across the Rainbow Bridge.

Assign him to a place of honor,
for he has been a faithful servant
and has always done his best to please me.

Bless the hands that send him to you,
for they are doing so in love and compassion,
freeing him from pain and suffering.

Grant me the strength not to dwell on my loss.
Help me remember the details of his life
with the love he has shown me.
And grant me the courage to honor him
by sharing those memories with others.

Let him remember me as well
and let him know that I will always love him.
And when it’s my time to pass over into your paradise,
please allow him to accompany those
who will bring me home.

Thank you, Lord,
for the gift of his companionship
and for the time we’ve had together.

And thank you, Lord,
for granting me the strength
to give him to you now.

Amen.

*******(UPDATE: I called Bogey’s doctor on Monday to let him know what happened and to ask him to call us with the results of the biopsy anyway. I received a phone call a few minutes later and learned that the tumor was NOT cancerous. So I guess that’s good news, though it doesn’t ease our pain or sadness.)*******

Happy Memorial Day?

May29

Yesterday was Memorial Day. And while I certainly enjoyed my time with family and friends who were enjoying a three day weekend, I spent a lot of time yesterday thinking about what this day is really about.

I heard numerous times on television the phrase ” Happy Memorial Day!” I read the same sentiments across multiple social media forums, online newspapers, and even on radio ads. And every time I heard it it made me really stop and think.

Is this day really happy?

I don’t really think so. I think this day is a bit of a conundrum (and I think a lot of people misunderstand what this day is really “celebrating”). For me, Memorial Day isn’t as much about a celebration, though we do spend the weekend at the lake eating good food and taking boat rides, as it is about pausing to remember the more than 600,000 soldiers who have given their lives serving this nation. Sacrificed their existence so we are safe and free to continue ours.

When I think about the families of those we are honoring on this day, my heart explodes with compassion and gratitude. For many forget that those left behind continue to pay the price of their soldier’s sacrifice everyday. They must continue to “soldier on” in the face of grief, sorrow, anger, resent, hopelessness and fear everyday.

So while yes, I did indeed have a happy weekend, I never stopped remembering why yesterday was such an important day.

And with that, I say one final thing;

Thank you to every soldier who sacrificed their life so that I could continue to live mine freely. Thank you to every soldier who never made it home. Thank you to every soldier whose family is one member less. And thank you to the families of those who fell, for your sacrifice is worth the same gratitude.

Reflection of 2011

Dec21

We’ve almost completed another year. Another year filled with memories and moments. I’m sure we all had high moments and low moments. Feel free to share yours here, in the comment section.

As I sit here looking back on the year that’s passed, I can’t help but feel so fortunate and realize how truly blessed I am. I know that there are others less fortunate, so I try not to take anything for granted. Here are my reflections on the year:

1) This year we were able to support more charities. Our first event was in February, The Bacchus Foundation’s yearly ball. I posted about it earlier this year and posted photos from the event. Then in June (my birthday month!) we went to Jazzoo again. Instead of presents, this year I asked for donations to the Kansas City Zoo. They currently don’t have penguins, which are my favorite animals and I think it should be a crime to not have them! I also posted about this earlier in the year. I am happy to report, however, that construction for the penguin village has begun and penguins should begin arriving around 2013! I can’t wait.

Also, this year we went to the National Association of Insurance and Financial Advisers (NAIFA) first annual charity gala. The theme was a throw back to the old days of glitz and glamour and had a casino. The proceeds of the event went to Operation Breakthrough, a local charity that supports children. To learn more about their work visit their website. Finally, we also attended NAIFA’s annual Firefighter of the Year banquet; an event held by the Greater Kansas City chapter to show appreciation for the brave men and women who put their lives on the line everyday. The honorees are amazing people, doing amazing things within their communities and it was awesome to be a part of it.

2) There were some sad moments throughout the year. My grandmother in Philadelphia passed away in March, and Brett’s uncle in October. Throughout everything, we were reminded that we have the best people in our lives. Thank you to anyone who said a prayer; sent a card, text message, phone call; or just stopped to ask us how we were. We appreciate you all more than you know.

3) There were some amazing adventures in 2011 as well. This summer we spent a lot of time at the lake house. The expansion is complete and it looks amazing! It’s nice to have a place where the whole family can come together just to be together. We also got to take a HUGE family vacation to Mexico. There were 17 of us. We threw a surprise birthday party for Brett’s aunt. She has no idea we were all going to be there and was so surprised to see everyone there when she arrived. It was a wonderful week, full of wonderful memories. One of the coolest adventures we took this year was going to the freaking World Series! We went to Game 7 in St. Louis!!! It was so much fun (even if the Rangers lost) and possibly one of the coolest things I’ve ever done.

4) Last year I mentioned that there were lots of weddings, babies and engagements. Well this year we celebrated those things. My brother and sister in law welcomed another daughter to the family in August, Scout Marie. She is adorable and looks like my brother. My sister Janine got married in August and my cousin Elyse tied the knot in October. THIS year saw more engagements and next year is going to busy with weddings. By my count there are six! Congratulations to all our friends and family that will be wedding within the next year! We look forward to celebrating with you!

5) I wrote last year that I had started school again and that I was hoping to report that I’d be finished by now. Well, I’m not finished yet, BUT I believe I will be finished in May! I couldn’t be more thrilled, so start looking for graduation announcements in the spring (be sure I have your email address, phone number or home address so you can get an announcement).

6) Finally, like last year, my favorite thing from 2011 is that it’s another year Brett and I spent together (number 5!). I know it’s cheesy, but it’s true. Each year we spend together just reaffirms what I already know; I love our life. He makes me happy and was an amazing support when my Grandmom died. I couldn’t ask for a better partner!

So, that’s my year in a small recap. I hope your 2011 was everything you dreamed it would be. And, if it wasn’t, I hope 2012 is the year of YOU!

Happy Holidays and a truly Happy New Year!

We Should All Be Thankful for Our Veterans

Nov11

I probably don’t say thank you to our veterans enough. None of us do. To many, just saying thank you probably seems so empty. It feels like it has lost some of it’s meaning. It can come off as hollow. “oh, you’re a veteran? Thank you for your service.” It seems like such an automatic response.

I read an article recently, which I want to link to but can’t seem to find, by a veteran who said he wishes people would stop thanking him. For all the reasons I mentioned above. At first, I was really irritated by the article. Especially because my brother is currently deployed. My sister in law served in Iraq. My father was in the Air Force. My grandfather fought with the Navy in WWII. My uncles went throught Vietnam. I have had cousins in the Air Force, the Navy and the Coast Guard. Members of my family have served in every branch of the United States military. But as I read through his points, I understood what he was getting at. He didn’t want someone to thank him because they felt obligated to. And that makes sense. But I fundamentally disagree with him.

We should not stop saying thank you. What we should do is start meaning it again. I always try to say thank you to someone who has served or is currently serving. Because I truly mean it when I say “thank you for your service.” What I’m really saying is, “thank you for protecting me.”

Because that’s truly what our men and women who serve are doing. They are protecting us. From dangers seen and unseen. Known and unkown. They are voluntarily giving up time with their families to ensure that I have the safety to spend time with mine.

And I’m a complete stranger to most of them.

That’s why I think it’s important to say thank you. Because we are all strangers. Yet they serve for us. Because of them, I know I don’t have to fight.

And for that, I am eternally thankful.

Viva Vallarta

Nov8

Last month I was fortunate enough to take an amazing vacation.

Thanks to Brett’s uncle (and his aunt having her birthday to prompt the trip) the whole family was able to go! It was a surprise party for his aunt, and his uncle (and Brett, and his uncle’s assistant) have been planning it for a year! And even though there were several things that almost spoiled the surprise, the whole thing managed to go off without the surprise being ruined!!!!

Mary was very surprised to see her whole family in MEXICO!

That’s right, this surprise party took place in another country! There were 17 of us. And it was such a wonderful time.

I feel so thankful to be included as part of this family. Everyone is so genuinely kind and they truly get along and enjoy each other’s company.

Here are a few shots from the trip.