Tag Archive | Life

Bringing Noise to the Silent Struggle

I haven’t posted much lately. Life has been….interesting. I’m not complaining, at least I’m trying not to, things have just been weird. Especially, lately.

You may not know this, but I am a guest contributor for my friend Nathan’s blog, NateTheWorld. Each month, Nathan sends out an email to his contributors asking for submissions and he provides writing prompts, in case any one needs inspiration. I don’t always send something in, especially if my own life is a crazy, hectic mess because finding time to do one. more. thing. just doesn’t seem possible.

But, this month one of the prompts was ‘my struggle’ and it spoke volumes to me. So I sat down and started writing. I sent my contribution over to him and he posted it. And then I started thinking about the struggle I wrote about and thought about how I was still struggling. Still dealing with it and what else could I do to lessen the burden?

So, I wrote another piece and posted it to my other blog. And really, I thought that would be it. That a few people would read either piece and maybe find comfort in my words, or at least have some light shed on a topic with which they are unfamiliar.

But that is not what happened. Not at all. What happened instead is I started receiving messages from people telling me that they were going through the same struggle. That they had a similar experience. That they, too, understood my pain and frustrations. It was……overwhelming. Amazing. Incredible.

Then, I decided that if I received such an amazing response from people I know, what could happen if people I didn’t know also heard my message? I reached out to another blogger/writer that I really like and asked him to read the piece, and if it made sense for his page, could he post it? AND HE DID! I couldn’t believe it; this person who doesn’t even know me, felt like what I wrote should be shared.

Of course, comments came in, and they didn’t all go my way, but that’s alright. Because at the end of the day, I know that thousands of people have read what I wrote, and perhaps they learned something they didn’t know beforehand.

Some of the comments said I was perhaps being a little too emotional or oversensitive to the topic at hand. Maybe. But that doesn’t make me wrong. Or make my point/opinion invalid.

Facebook2 Facebook3For the record, I DID donate those samples to my church. And I gave the coupons that I kept receiving to the Early Ed. center so they could go to parents who WANT them.

I'm not sure that expressing my opinion makes me selfish, but she's entitled to think that.

I’m not sure that expressing my opinion makes me selfish, but she’s entitled to think that.

I’m not sure that it’s the worst article ever, but again, she is entitled to think that.

Facebook6I’d also like to point out that I didn’t say anything about malice from the companies; I pointed out the short-sightedness of the campaigns. I also didn’t call for a boycott, just stated that I won’t be giving my money to them. As for questioning my struggle with infertility, that I took a little personally. She says that a year of not conceiving doesn’t count as infertile. Actually, it does. According to the Mayo Clinic’s website: “Infertility is defined as not being able to get pregnant despite having frequent, unprotected sex for at least a year for most people and six months in certain circumstances.”

My husband and I have been trying to start a family FOR A YEAR! That doesn’t seem like a long time, unless it’s something you really want and it doesn’t happen, over and over and over again.

Facebook7This woman commented several times, apparently I struck a nerve with her. Especially since she called my post a rant (it wasn’t). But, I am a long time reader because I haven’t ALWAYS been in this struggle, and because the guy is a good writer and the “hilarities of parenthood” crack me up. But, perhaps I’m not allowed to laugh at parenthood since I’m not part of the club? Who knows.

Not all of the comments were negative, though. Some of them were really nice and were from people who had experienced similar things or understood what my whole point was (that the program’s targeting is wrong because they don’t know who the person on the other end of the data they purchased really is. Being a woman that shops at Babies R Us doesn’t make me anymore a mother than eating a banana makes me a monkey).

Facebook5And some of the comments were just really nice and proved to me that what I had to say was at least heard AND UNDERSTOOD by some people – which is really my ultimate goal. To be understood. Isn’t that everyone’s goal?

Facebook1 Facebook8I did contact the companies that send those formula samples; I sent them my article. And one of them responded letting me know they removed me from their mailing list. Which I appreciate. But that’s not my point. They need to reevaluate the whole thing. I understand the purpose of the campaign. They want to sell a product. But, there might be a better way to target the correct people; I don’t have the answer to HOW to do that, but I’m sure they have really smart people working for them that can come up with the answer.

I let them know that I appreciated being removed, but that if this is happening to me, then it is happening to other women. And that’s the problem. They said they’ve given the information “to the appropriate department” so who knows if anything actually comes out of it. I really hope it does.

So, that’s the biggest thing that’s been going on in my life lately. Just bringing awareness to a silent struggle. One blog post at a time.

OklaHOMEa

I was born in Philadelphia. I love Philadelphia. I love the city, the history, oh the sweet history, the people, the sports teams, the food. I have a ton of family there. I lived there for awhile. I refer to it as ‘home’ sometimes. But more and more often, I have found myself calling Oklahoma home.

I lived there longer than any other place in my whole life.Did I love it? Not really. I went from Philadelphia, a city of like a bajillion people, to what I thought was surely the smallest town on the face of the planet, population 2,500.

 

Downtown Jones

Don’t misunderstand me, it is a great little town. But my problem with it was that it’s a little town. Small town living just doesn’t suit me – I can’t farm. I can barely ride a horse, and if you asked me to saddle one I’d laugh at you and walk away. I can’t milk a cow. And I don’t like to drive very far. When you live in a small town you get accustomed to driving EVERYWHERE. If I can’t be there in about ten minutes, I probably don’t want to go.

I often joke that this sleepy little town is a geographical oddity – it is half an hour from everywhere. I’m only sort of kidding.

But, I lived there for a long time. I was there when I learned what domestic terrorism is and what it looks like. I learned how to read weather maps before I mastered multiplication (although, math has never been my strong suit so that might not be saying much). I learned how to tell apart different types of clouds and which ones to really keep an eye on before I was a teenager. I was there for the May 3rd tornado. And the May 8th tornado.

Now I live in Kansas. And I had to watch as the May 20th tornado tore through Moore. Again. I had to watch the streaming news feed from KFOR from my desk at work. While I was at work in Kansas, parents were frantically trying to get to their children.

I can’t even imagine the pain. I don’t have children of my own. But I know how I would feel if one of the children in those schools was one of my nieces or nephews. I would be sick to my stomach. I would be completely beside myself, distraught, and inconsolable. And I imagine it is not even a fraction of the pain a parent feels.

But, I do know what it feels like to be from Oklahoma. There is a resiliancy that is unmatched, unparalelled, unheard of. The Oklahoma Standard it’s called.

 

okflag

Life throws all sorts of terrible things at everyone, but for some reason, Oklahomans get hit hard. Terrorists. Tornadoes. Earthquakes. Fire.

And every single time Oklahomans come together, unite, help each other out, bring each other back, and the state just seems a little bit better.

I think Oklahomans are handed the hardest trials because whatever powers that be know that Oklahomans can handle it.

Too often Oklahoma is seen on a national level for bad politics, terrible natural disasters, or ‘controversial’ sports team moves. Too little is Oklahoma seen for what it truly is – an entire state of neighbors. Friendly, proud people that are literally willing to give you the shirt off their back in order to help you out.

Too little is Oklahoma thought of for anything other than Native Americans, cowboys, depressions, tornadoes, a bombing.

But, every year that passes, when I’m asked the question, ‘where are you from?’ I start to answer Oklahoma.

And I’m proud of that.

Oklahoma, you will come through this. Just like you have every time before this.

Because you’re amazing.

OklaHOMEa

Looking Ahead….

Every year for the past several years I’ve sat down with my computer and written reflections about the year behind me.  I wrap up the entire year in several paragraphs trying to convey the major events and milestones that took place in my life that year, but I realized I never take the time to write about the future.  I never stop to look ahead.

I don’t really make resolutions for the new year.  Not that I don’t have any resolve, I just don’t think I need to make promises to myself, especially when I usually don’t tell anyone what they are so there is no one to hold me accountable if I don’t keep my self-made promise.  I usually decide to continue to try to be a good person.  To be kind to others.  Help the less fortunate when able.  Be quick with a smile.  Those are things that I think we can all resolve to do on a daily basis and we don’t need a new year’s resolution to do them.  We should be doing them anyway.

That’s not really the point though, so back to my initial thought.  Looking ahead.  I wrote my 2012 wrap up a few days ago and while I certainly have a lot to be thankful for in 2012, I decided I should look to my future and see what 2013 holds for me.

To begin the year, I have a job that I truly enjoy with a company I couldn’t be prouder to work for.

Looking around me, I have the best family (even if they drive me nuts sometimes).  I find myself often thinking that people who don’t have siblings are missing out on one of the greatest gifts on Earth.  I’ve said more than once that I consider myself truly fortunate to be in a unique position with my siblings; I have the gift of being both a little sister and a big sister.  I’m a little sister to a sister, and big sister to two sisters and a brother.  How lucky am I that I get to be the sister to not only sisters but to a brother as well?  Sisters are some of the first friends you make (followed closely by your cousins).  Brothers are a strange beast to be sure.  They smell different than sisters do, and they do weird things that most sisters don’t do.  But I truly feel that I have been given one of life’s greatest treasures by having my sisters and brother in my life.

I also have the most amazing friends.  They are patient, funny, smart, and understanding.  Above all they are loyal and trustworthy.  I know that my friends are there for me when I need them, even when I’m being a complete flake.

Top that off with an engagement to the greatest guy. In eight months I will take one of the best walks of my life toward him with my Dad at my side.  After that walk we will party the night away with our family and friends around us and the next day we will take a wonderful week long trip to an island neither one of us has been to.  How blessed can one woman be?

I have a major birthday to look forward to as well.  One that has me excited and curious, but anxious as well.  I love birthdays, especially milestone birthdays, but as this is my first major milestone birthday in quite a while, I’m not sure what to expect.  Will I feel any different?  Will there be new expectations that come along with my new age?  Are there new health risks I should be worried about?  These are the things that I think about.

But, this year is full of many more blessings.  I am lucky to have a home that provides me with shelter, warmth, and safety.  I have a pantry and refrigerator full of food, and a vehicle that is nice and safe.

I ask again, how blessed can one woman be?

When I take everything listed above and combine it into a nice, neat, little package I can’t help but realize how wonderful 2013 is going to be.  With blessings like that how can my year be anything less than amazing?

If I were to make a resolution for 2013 it would be this: to continue to focus on the positive things in my life.  I realize not every day is going to be perfect, but there will be perfect moments in every day.  I hope I will always be able to see that moment, and that I will remember to look for it.  I hope that I don’t get so caught up in the mundane details life requires I miss the beauty in the smallest of things.  I hope that I always notice how beautiful the sun is when it sets.  That I always see the light at the end of the tunnel and most importantly, that I always remember no matter how rough of a day I might be having that I don’t have to bear the burden alone.  I have family and friends that are there for me to help, to listen, to offer advice when needed, to provide guidance when necessary, and to give hugs when there are no words required.

My hope for you this year is that you, too, will always remember to search for the bright spot in your life.  Even when times seem the darkest, reach for the light.  Hold onto it, and seek it always.

Life is a beautiful thing.  Don’t spend it surrounded by negativity and darkness.

‘Twas the 14th of December…

‘Twas the 14th of December

and all through Newtown,

people where gathering

prepping for guests coming ’round.

Presents for kiddos were wrapped nice and tight

ready to be opened in just eleven more nights.

But evil was lurking in this sleepy ‘berg,

for one troubled child demanded to be heard.

He came to the school to inflict terror and pain

and now we’ve learned twenty-six more angels’ names.

Let us remember their beautiful faces

and though they left Earth, they arrived in God’s graces.

He’ll keep them and hold them and make sure they’re loved

until they’re reunited with their loved ones above.

So mourn for the losses, grieve for your kids

but find comfort in knowing they’ll always be His.

 

I don’t have children of my own, but I have a bunch of nieces and nephews.  And while I realize that’s not even remotely close, I know that if anything ever happened to any of them I’d be devastated. Half of ‘my kiddos’ are old enough to be in school.  They are old enough for the tragedy in Newtown to strike a special chord in my soul.  Because I realize that I could very well be one of the people grieving the loss of a child they love.

And as the friend and relative of teachers, I could doubly be one of the people grieving. A friend, a cousin, a sister.  It’s all too much to take in.

We have to do better.  I don’t have answers or solutions.  I just know our friends, our families, our children deserve better than what we are currently providing.

Let’s focus on what’s truly important right now – each other.  Love. Peace. Kindness.

Because truly, kindness can change the world.

What a month it’s been….

So the last time I posted, the news was terrible.  And while it’s been six weeks since that crummy day, I still miss Bogey every single day.

BUT, this post isn’t about how sad I am.  Rather, it’s an update to what has happened since June.

For starters, there were some events that I simply didn’t talk about in June.  Like, my BIRTHDAY!  Everyone knows how much I love my birthday.  And how I usually celebrate my birthMONTH, but this year, we kept it a little more low key.  There was a cook out at Brett’s sister’s house and some of my friends even joined us for the cookout.  I opened my cards and my presents and there was cake.

Buuuuut, this was no ordinary birthday.  Just as I was opening presents, Brett got a call from our realtor… a call we were anxiously expecting all day.  The house we had looked at yesterday, and put an offer on that morning, WAS OURS!!!!  Talk about the best birthday ever!

We started packing pretty much the next day and come July 6th (moving day) everything was ready to go.  Once we got into the house, I got a job interview – which led to getting the job! And on top of that, I camped outside of the newest location of one of my favorite restaurants (along with Brett and some friends) and (the four of us) won free burritos for a year!

So, birthday, house, job, burritos.  Pretty good month, I’d say.