Tag Archive | Disappointment

Bringing Noise to the Silent Struggle

I haven’t posted much lately. Life has been….interesting. I’m not complaining, at least I’m trying not to, things have just been weird. Especially, lately.

You may not know this, but I am a guest contributor for my friend Nathan’s blog, NateTheWorld. Each month, Nathan sends out an email to his contributors asking for submissions and he provides writing prompts, in case any one needs inspiration. I don’t always send something in, especially if my own life is a crazy, hectic mess because finding time to do one. more. thing. just doesn’t seem possible.

But, this month one of the prompts was ‘my struggle’ and it spoke volumes to me. So I sat down and started writing. I sent my contribution over to him and he posted it. And then I started thinking about the struggle I wrote about and thought about how I was still struggling. Still dealing with it and what else could I do to lessen the burden?

So, I wrote another piece and posted it to my other blog. And really, I thought that would be it. That a few people would read either piece and maybe find comfort in my words, or at least have some light shed on a topic with which they are unfamiliar.

But that is not what happened. Not at all. What happened instead is I started receiving messages from people telling me that they were going through the same struggle. That they had a similar experience. That they, too, understood my pain and frustrations. It was……overwhelming. Amazing. Incredible.

Then, I decided that if I received such an amazing response from people I know, what could happen if people I didn’t know also heard my message? I reached out to another blogger/writer that I really like and asked him to read the piece, and if it made sense for his page, could he post it? AND HE DID! I couldn’t believe it; this person who doesn’t even know me, felt like what I wrote should be shared.

Of course, comments came in, and they didn’t all go my way, but that’s alright. Because at the end of the day, I know that thousands of people have read what I wrote, and perhaps they learned something they didn’t know beforehand.

Some of the comments said I was perhaps being a little too emotional or oversensitive to the topic at hand. Maybe. But that doesn’t make me wrong. Or make my point/opinion invalid.

Facebook2 Facebook3For the record, I DID donate those samples to my church. And I gave the coupons that I kept receiving to the Early Ed. center so they could go to parents who WANT them.

I'm not sure that expressing my opinion makes me selfish, but she's entitled to think that.

I’m not sure that expressing my opinion makes me selfish, but she’s entitled to think that.

I’m not sure that it’s the worst article ever, but again, she is entitled to think that.

Facebook6I’d also like to point out that I didn’t say anything about malice from the companies; I pointed out the short-sightedness of the campaigns. I also didn’t call for a boycott, just stated that I won’t be giving my money to them. As for questioning my struggle with infertility, that I took a little personally. She says that a year of not conceiving doesn’t count as infertile. Actually, it does. According to the Mayo Clinic’s website: “Infertility is defined as not being able to get pregnant despite having frequent, unprotected sex for at least a year for most people and six months in certain circumstances.”

My husband and I have been trying to start a family FOR A YEAR! That doesn’t seem like a long time, unless it’s something you really want and it doesn’t happen, over and over and over again.

Facebook7This woman commented several times, apparently I struck a nerve with her. Especially since she called my post a rant (it wasn’t). But, I am a long time reader because I haven’t ALWAYS been in this struggle, and because the guy is a good writer and the “hilarities of parenthood” crack me up. But, perhaps I’m not allowed to laugh at parenthood since I’m not part of the club? Who knows.

Not all of the comments were negative, though. Some of them were really nice and were from people who had experienced similar things or understood what my whole point was (that the program’s targeting is wrong because they don’t know who the person on the other end of the data they purchased really is. Being a woman that shops at Babies R Us doesn’t make me anymore a mother than eating a banana makes me a monkey).

Facebook5And some of the comments were just really nice and proved to me that what I had to say was at least heard AND UNDERSTOOD by some people – which is really my ultimate goal. To be understood. Isn’t that everyone’s goal?

Facebook1 Facebook8I did contact the companies that send those formula samples; I sent them my article. And one of them responded letting me know they removed me from their mailing list. Which I appreciate. But that’s not my point. They need to reevaluate the whole thing. I understand the purpose of the campaign. They want to sell a product. But, there might be a better way to target the correct people; I don’t have the answer to HOW to do that, but I’m sure they have really smart people working for them that can come up with the answer.

I let them know that I appreciated being removed, but that if this is happening to me, then it is happening to other women. And that’s the problem. They said they’ve given the information “to the appropriate department” so who knows if anything actually comes out of it. I really hope it does.

So, that’s the biggest thing that’s been going on in my life lately. Just bringing awareness to a silent struggle. One blog post at a time.


Since I’ve been looking for a job since the end of February, and just heard back today that the position I was really hoping to get has been filled, I decided I should probably start using this site to also showcase my talents.  You will see a new page listed at the top, News Writing Samples.  If you hold your cursor over it, a drop down menu appears with the headlines of articles I’ve written for class.

I’ll continue to update that page as I find more of my work.  In the meantime, enjoy what’s there!

X-Factor Audition

I mention in Spring Break, that I was going to audition for X-Factor.  I didn’t mention really when, or even where!  So, let me give a little more information.  For starters, I am enrolled in two schools, the University of Central Oklahoma (which is my degree issuing institution) and the local community college (I live in Olathe, Kansas), Johnson County Community College (where I am taking my final math class).  Because I am enrolled in two schools, I have two different start and end dates and two different spring breaks.  UCO started a week earlier than JCCC (even though their spring break is a week later, figure that one out).  So, JCCC’s spring break has been this week.

X-Factor started their audition this week in Kansas City.  My audition was Wednesday, March 14th.  Here’s the story:

Monday, March 12th – Registration begins.  I head down to Kemper Arena to pick up my wrist band and ticket.


This bad boy means I will be auditioning and is my key to getting to the floor!


But, I won't be going anywhere, if I don't have this as well!

Tuesday, March 13th – I stress all day about the audition the next day.  Practice several songs, prepare 5 and ultimately decide to go with Sunday Morning by Maroon 5.

Wednesday, March 14th:

4 A.M. – The alarm goes off telling me that my audition is TODAY!  I spend the next hour and fifteen minutes getting ready.  Brett is wonderful and makes me some toast and gets a protein shake for me.  I make sure I have my i.d. and put some snacks and drinks in my bag, and we head out the door

5:30 A.M. – We arrive at Kemper Arena and it is swarming with excitement.  We pay the parking attendant and head over to get in line.  As the morning progresses, more and more people show up.

7 A.M. – Taping for the show begins.  There are cameras, helicopters, music, everything.  The show’s crew is walking around talking to people and encouraging lots of singing and dancing.

9:30 – Taping commences and we start heading indoors.  By now there are about six thousand people in line.


10:15 – Everyone is finally inside and the producers start announcing information about the process.

10:30 – The first section of people are taken down to audition.  I’m in the fourth section.  It’s been a long day already, and I’m starting to get really nervous.

12:00 – Two sections of people have been taken to audition, but now that it’s lunch time, some of the judges have gone to eat and things are not moving along as quickly.

1:45 – I am hungry, so Brett goes to buy some lunch.  He comes back with some Nachos for me and BBQ sandwich for himself.  I have been drinking water like it’s going out of style trying to stay hydrated.

2:15 – My section has been called down to audition!  I am so nervous.


The set up inside. Somewhere down there is a judge who will be deciding if I advance today...

2:30 – I meet my judge and do my audition.  He thanks me for coming out, but it’s a no today.

2:45 – I meet Brett outside of Kemper and we head for the car to go home.

While I am disappointed I didn’t make it through the first round of auditions, I am so proud of myself for doing something that has frightened me in the past.  I know that I gave a good audition.  I also know that I haven’t auditioned for anything in ten years!  So, I am proud of my audition.  Ultimately, looking back, I think I chose the wrong song.  It all comes down to song choice.  But now that I know what I need to work on, I can work on it, and try again.

Who knows, maybe next year I’ll make it through the first round!

I hope you enjoyed sharing my journey as much as I enjoyed going through it.  It was a really long day, but it was so worth it – even though the answer was no.

The main thing I learned from this is to try.  I have talked myself out of many scary things in the past, simply because I was too afraid to try.  I’m so glad I tried this.