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It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye….(UPDATED)

Jun11

Last week was truly the highest of highs and the lowest of lows for our family.  When I say ‘our family’ I’m not referring to our vast and extensive extended family, but rather the family unit that Brett and I consist of.  We are a family of three; Brett, myself and Bogey, our dog.  Bogey is absolutely our family.  He is our fur-kid.  And he is beyond spoiled.  We (read I) go paparazzi nuts with the camera, in fact I have an entire Facebook album dedicated to pictures of Bogey.

Recently, Bogey’s health had taken a turn south, so we did what any parents would do, we rushed him to the ER.  When we got to the hospital, Bogey was weak, dehydrated and his color was off, he looked pale.  We were freaking out.  We didn’t know what was wrong.  I have to say, Blue Pearl in Overland Park, KS is the nicest, most compassionate place I’ve ever been.  They were so incredible helping us through a very tough couple of nights.  After two nights at the hospital, Bogey came home!  Diagnosis? Bleeding ulcers.  Bummer.  But, they were totally treatable, and he would be okay.  Hooray!  Medicine and a bland diet for a week and he seemed to be alright.

But, while we were at the ER the first night, the doctor came in and told us that Bogey had a perianal tumor (which is what they originally thought the problem was).  After lots of tests, they decided that wasn’t the cause of his emergency visit, but that we should still take him to his regular doctor and have that tumor looked at.

We scheduled an appointment and had some samples of the tumor sent off for a cytology report, which came back inconclusive.  Meaning, it might not be cancer, but it might be cancer.  But, it needed to come out.  So, we scheduled the surgery.

Bogey had surgery at 8:00 a.m. on Thursday, June 7th.  He was scared, but okay.  I was there with him, and told him how great he was doing.  He didn’t even squirm, which was great because that meant no full anesthesia!  Local anesthesia is all he needed, which, given his age (15!) was a great thing.  Tumor was removed and he was stitched up and, after a couple of hours at the doctor for post-op observation, we were on our way home.  His tumor was sent off to get biopsied and we’re just awaiting results to find out if it was cancerous or not, so we can start forming a treatment plan for our Dude.

Thursday night was a rough night for everyone.  Bogey hated his Elizabethan collar, which everyone knows as ‘the cone of shame.’ He freaked out and started running in to things trying to rip the collar off.  I hated seeing him panic, so I took it off of him.  Then he started throwing up, which, if I had just recovered from bleeding ulcers, and then had surgery and then freaked out, would probably throw up, too.  Brett stayed up with him until about 3:30 a.m.  That’s when Bogey finally decided to lay down and go to sleep.  On Friday, he seemed okay.  Great!  Our Dude just hated his collar and basically threw the equivalent of a screaming, kicking, crying-until-you-throw-up tantrum.  He didn’t really eat much Friday, so I made him some chicken (I told you, he’s spoiled).  He chowed it down and everything seemed good.  Friday night, more vomiting.  But, not as bad as Thursday night.  So, maybe the food upset his stomach.  He probably ate too fast.  But, his breathing seemed off, and his behavior was off too.  But he did just have surgery 24 hours ago and now has stitches in his hiney….

Saturday, he was walking around the basement in the morning.  We gave him head pats, and rubbed his ears.  Like the concerned fur-mom I am, I still thought his breathing didn’t sound right, but he seemed alright, just tired (which is understandable since he’d spent two nights throwing up).  We decided to leave him downstairs (with his favorite red blanket) to get some rest and went  to check on him every hour to see if he wanted to go outside.  He was laying at the foot of the stairs, and would look up at us when we came down, but wasn’t interested in going outside.  So, we would rub his head and belly, and give him kisses and tell him how much we loved him.

At 5:30 p.m. on Saturday, June 9th, Bogey was no longer breathing.  It was heartbreaking.  I got Brett and told him that Bogey wasn’t breathing anymore and we sat there and hugged our Dude and cried together.  My heart broke more.  Brett’s Mom came down and cried with us, too.  And his sister came down, cried with us, and we all said a prayer to St. Francis asking him to watch our Boy until we got home.

As much as losing our Dude sucks (and it is the big time suck) I learned a lot over the last few days and weeks.  I learned that Brett and I are an amazing team, even in super sucky, super awful situations.  We connect to form a strength that is stronger than either of us individually.  I learned there are awesome people who care about our Dude as much as we do.  I learned about Blue Pearl Emergency Pet Services and their incredible staff.  And I learned that we have the most quality people in our lives.  Our families and friends are truly some of the best people on Earth and we are so incredibly blessed to have them.

Having to say goodbye to Bogey sucked.  It still sucks.  Every time I walk downstairs I expect to see his fluffy little face look up from his bed.  I expect to see his red blanket laying on his bed.  I look at the clock and realize that Bogey probably needs to go to the bathroom.  I still look around for him.  And while the emptiness sucks and has left a hole in my heart, I find a small amount of joy knowing that our Boy isn’t hurting anymore.  That whatever pain he was feeling, he’s free from it.  He’s running, and jumping, and chasing squirrels and snoozing in the sunshine.  I find comfort in knowing that St. Francis welcomed our Boy with open and loving arms, and I’m sure he gave him his favorite snack, Cheese-Its, when he got there.

With all that knowledge, I find peace with the emptiness.

The last three weeks of Bogey’s life were not the best, I’m sure.  He spent too many hours at doctor’s offices. But, he also spent a lot of time at the playground, laying in sunshine, lounging next to us, giving us hugs and kisses, and bringing us smiles and joy.  So, I’m grateful for that.

Bogey lived a really long, great life.  In dog years he was 15, which makes him 105 in human years.  105!  What a great life.  He had lots of adventures, and even got to spend a few years of his life as a Texas dog (which automatically makes him one of the coolest dogs in Heaven). He spent his final days at home, with his family.  Surrounded by love and laughter. What a life.

So, this part is for our Dude: Rest in peace, Bogey.  We love you forever and we’ll see you when we get home.  Until then, listen to St. Francis, don’t just eat your vitamins, you cannot have all his french fries, you do NOT eat Raisinets (even though you think you do), I’ll pretend I don’t know you’re eating way too many Cheese-Its, and because you are one spoiled kiddo, I won’t even yell at you if you’re laying on our bed when we get home (just please don’t have muddy feet). Love Forever, Mom and Dad.

Thank you everyone who said a prayer, had us in their thoughts, sent good vibes, asked how Bogey was, sent us messages, gave us hugs or sat and cried with us.  You are the best people.  We are so, so grateful.  The love and support our family has been given over the last three weeks has been amazing, and has truly helped us make it through this big pile of suck. So once again, THANK YOU!

Here are some of my favorite pictures of Captain Bogey P. VonFluffenstein the 14th

As a matter of fact, I would LOVE some Cheese-Its!

Captain Bogey P. VonFluffenstein, Protector of the Universe.

I’m BatDog.

Yeah. I pop my collar. And?

My two boys, watching the X-Files.

I hear everything. I’m BatDog.

Sun Snoozin’

Just Mom & Bogs

Dear Lord, please open your gates
and call St. Francis
to come escort this beloved companion
across the Rainbow Bridge.

Assign him to a place of honor,
for he has been a faithful servant
and has always done his best to please me.

Bless the hands that send him to you,
for they are doing so in love and compassion,
freeing him from pain and suffering.

Grant me the strength not to dwell on my loss.
Help me remember the details of his life
with the love he has shown me.
And grant me the courage to honor him
by sharing those memories with others.

Let him remember me as well
and let him know that I will always love him.
And when it’s my time to pass over into your paradise,
please allow him to accompany those
who will bring me home.

Thank you, Lord,
for the gift of his companionship
and for the time we’ve had together.

And thank you, Lord,
for granting me the strength
to give him to you now.

Amen.

*******(UPDATE: I called Bogey’s doctor on Monday to let him know what happened and to ask him to call us with the results of the biopsy anyway.  I received a phone call a few minutes later and learned that the tumor was NOT cancerous.  So I guess that’s good news, though it doesn’t ease our pain or sadness.)*******

Happy Memorial Day?

May29

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Yesterday was Memorial Day. And while I certainly enjoyed my time with family and friends who were enjoying a three day weekend, I spent a lot of time yesterday thinking about what this day is really about.

I heard numerous times on television the phrase ” Happy Memorial Day!” I read the same sentiments across multiple social media forums, online newspapers, and even on radio ads. And every time I heard it it made me really stop and think.

Is this day really happy?

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I don’t really think so. I think this day is a bit of a conundrum (and I think a lot of people misunderstand what this day is really “celebrating”). For me, Memorial Day isn’t as much about a celebration, though we do spend the weekend at the lake eating good food and taking boat rides, as it is about pausing to remember the more than 600,000 soldiers who have given their lives serving this nation. Sacrificed their existence so we are safe and free to continue ours.

When I think about the families of those we are honoring on this day, my heart explodes with compassion and gratitude. For many forget that those left behind continue to pay the price of their soldier’s sacrifice everyday. They must continue to “soldier on” in the face of grief, sorrow, anger, resent, hopelessness and fear everyday.

So while yes, I did indeed have a happy weekend, I never stopped remembering why yesterday was such an important day.

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And with that, I say one final thing;

Thank you to every soldier who sacrificed their life so that I could continue to live mine freely. Thank you to every soldier who never made it home. Thank you to every soldier whose family is one member less. And thank you to the families of those who fell, for your sacrifice is worth the same gratitude.

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This One Time at the Keyhole….

Apr17

After spending time beating myself up for not being able to come up with anything remotely interesting to talk about this week, I took to Facebook and asked my friends and family for help (letting them know upfront that whatever ideas they submitted would absolutely be ripped off, with no type of compensation).  I even went so far as to guilt people to help (I’m awful, what can I say)?

While I was given some interesting topics (someone mentioned craisins: friend or foe?) I decided I felt too bad actually ripping off someone else’s idea.  So, I let the weekend come and go, and still didn’t have anything… or so I thought – cue Saturday night.

Brett’s nieces were over at the grandparent’s house for the night, so we met up with his sister and brother in law for some dinner and drinks.  As per the usual course when we’re all together, we headed on over to our favorite dive.  Brett and I were there a week earlier and it was dead.  Completely.  There was the bartender, us, and two other people – and those two were weirdos.  Seriously.

So, after the poor showing the previous week we were looking for a livelier crowd Saturday night.  And it was a bit livelier.  There was a kickball team there and it seemed like they had been there for awhile, so we went to sit outback (plus, the guys wanted to smoke their cigars).  As the night went on, people trickled in and out of the bar and came outside, chatted with us, etc.  You know, typical bar stuff.

What was not so typical had me speechless.  Our friends left, and it was just Brett and I sitting outside, enjoying the weather before the (predicted) storm hit us (it never did, by the way).  As we’re sitting there, one of the kick ballers comes outside again, and the three of us start chatting.  Mr. Kickball sits down in the chair beside me and slowly reaches his arm out and takes my drink out of my hand!  AND THEN DRINKS IT! Once he takes a sip, he really tried to hand it back, as if we were bff’s all of a sudden and it would be totally fine to share a drink.

Of course I immediately tell him no thank you, and that he can just finish it.  He even tried to argue about it with me saying. “what?  it’s not like I have herpes.”  Uh, thank you for clearing that up, however, rando, I will not be sharing drinks with you – so you can go ahead and keep that.  In fairness to my sticky fingered foe, he did try to make it up to me by offering to by me another drink.  Which I also turned down.

I do think he realized how awkward that entire situation was, though, because he got really quiet.  Sat my/his drink down and then just sort of slowly walked away, kind of watching Brett to make sure he wasn’t about to get beat up for theiving my drink.  This thought was further acknowledged when we went inside the bar to pay our tab and my drink’s assailant rushed out.

After two awkward Saturday encounters there, I think we might need to change the day of the week we go there.  No thank you awkward male humans!

Am I the only person this has ever happened to?  I wouldn’t be surprised if I was, these are the kinds of weird things that happen in my life.

March Madness

Apr4

I promise I talk about things other than sports.  Really.  It’s just, I like sports!  Since the NCAA tournament is officially concluded, I thought I’d post some pictures of how my friends and I spent the final weekend.

Since KU made it to the Final Four, my boyfriend and I decided that we should go to Lawrence to watch the game.  A bunch of our friends had the same idea so we all met up at Granada Theatre to cheer for the Jayhawks.

Pre-partying before the game against Ohio State.

The game was as stressful as every other game throughout the tournament, but the Jayhawks managed to pull out the win.  I’ll let the pictures tell the rest of the story.

The crowd on Mass. Street after the win

Even Lawrence's finest got in on the high fives!

Thumbs up for the Jayhawks as they advance to the National Championship game!

Being the superstitious people that sports fans are, we all trekked out to Lawrence on Monday to cheer the Jayhawks on as they battled the Wildcats from Kentucky in the national title game.

GO JAYHAWKS!

Excited for the game to start!

After two very stressful and emotional hours, a winner emerged, and, unfortunately, it was not the Jayhawks.  But, the Wildcats played an outstanding game, and the Jayhawks had an incredible season.  Even though KU lost, I am still so proud of the team and all that they accomplished.  I can’t wait for next season!!!

A calm, cool and collect crowd after the Jayhawks loss to the Kentucky Wildcats in the National Championship game

Funny tidbits about pre and post game antics.  One of the bars refused to sell Kentucky Bourbon the night of the game.  And after the game, one fan took it upon himself to erase Kentucky Street from Lawrence.

One student scales a street pole to pull down the Kentucky Street sign in Lawrence, following the Jayhawks loss to the Wildcats. Photo courtesy of yahoo!.

 

Rock Chalk!