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This is just my face

Aug25

It never ceases to amaze me how people feel compelled, obligated and entitled to say things to you. And often times, the more rude or unnecessary the comment, the more compelled the person is to tell you.

I am especially baffled with this as it relates to how someone looks. 

I have a new baby; he’s amazing. But, he’s a baby. So he’s a lot of work. And I’m not complaining. I (mostly) knew what I was getting into when I became a mom; sleepless nights. Long days filled with unpleasant moments that turn into even longer nights. And repeat for infinity. But that’s alright; he is totally worth it. 

But, can we please stop telling parents “you look tired.”? 

This happened last week at the grocery store. My husband and I were picking up stuff for a party we were hosting at our home. It was cool and rainy, so I decided to wear the baby into the store. Keep him safe and dry. We finished our shopping and while we were cashing out the clerk looks at me and baby, then turns to my husband and says “she looks tired.” 

What?! 

My husband responded with “I’m sorry?” And the clerk repeats herself, “I said ‘she looks tired.'” 😡😡😡😡

Excuse me? SHE is standing right here. You can address her directly. 

Why do we think it’s okay to comment on someone’s appearance? Why? Because here’s the thing: I didn’t actually feel tired. I felt good. I got a decent amount of sleep the night before, the baby slept well, and I was actually feeling pretty good about myself. For the first time in months. 

That comment? Immediate gut punch and ego-blow. Because now I’m only thinking about what an ogre I must actually be and how on earth could I have thought I looked alright? 

What actually upsets me more is that the comment, while about me specifically, wasn’t even directed to me. Even though I was standing right there. Instead, it was said to my husband. Twice. 

“She looks tired.” 

Well, sister, I AM tired.

• I’m tired of people thinking they are entitled to comment on my appearance.

• I’m tired of people thinking they need to comment on my appearance.

• And I’m tired of people not seeing anything wrong with doing so. 

It’s so incredibly rude. And inconsiderate. And unnecessary. And unwanted. 

Because, no. I’m NOT tired. This is just my face. 

This is just my natural resting face. #SorryNotSorry #RBF


Je suis … fatigué

Jul16

Police-involved killings of black civilians (more to come on that in a later post), an ambush on police officers and now the attack in Nice, France.

This about sums up my feelings on all the hatred and violence going on in the world. #JeSuisSickOfThisShit

Ringing in the positive

Jan3

While at dinner with my father and sister and brother in-law last night my husband leaned over to me and very quietly said ‘I would like the next three sentences out of your mouth to be positive.’

Naturally, my immediate reaction was to go on the offense and my husband knew I would and told me ‘I know you’re trying to be funny. I don’t think you realize it’s negative. I was just making you aware.’

Funny thing is, he was right. (Don’t tell him I said that). I was trying to be funny and I didn’t realize I was being so negative.

And like it or not, I think this is something that I do often without even realizing it. Another example?

During a recent conversation about movies and actors I stated that I do not like Jennifer Lawrence. Everyone asked me why and I don’t really have a good reason. She just bugs me. But while I was having the same conversation with my best friend via text message, I said the reason I don’t like her is because everyone praises her for lashing out at the Hollywood bullies and ridiculousness of the industry name calling and the meanness of it all but she’s doing the same thing. She’s just attacking the the attackers. Just because you’re being mean to the meanies doesn’t mean you’re not being mean.

And then my best friend said ‘btw that’s you!’

Man. I suck.

I don’t want to be mean. And I don’t want to be negative. I’m the kid who tattooed the phrase ‘kindness can change the world’ on her wrist. The person who brought home an entire litter of flea infested puppies that were dumped on the road because I was afraid they were going to get run over. Or eaten by coyotes. I’m the nice person.

But recently I’ve been made aware that I’m not. I’m the mean person. And Humanity, I owe you a giant apology.

So, in 2014 I’m going to focus on the positive, pay more attention to my attitude, and make each day a reason to be thankful. Having just come off my favorite season, I think I need to do a better job at giving thanks all year instead of from Thanksgiving to Christmas.

Here’s to 2014 and positivity!

Bully: Just Don’t Be One

Dec11

December 8th, 2001.  It started out as such an ordinary day.  Hanging out with the boyfriend.  Shopping.  Lunch.  The typical things that college freshman do.

It ended as a day forever etched in my mind.  And all because people can’t use nice words.  Because we are all too self important to take the feelings of others into consideration.

When I arrived home for the evening, I was informed that at the age of 15, my sister’s best friend ended her own life because the pain of being bullied was just too much to bear any longer.  She was a sophomore in high school.  She was beautiful.  She was funny.  She was a daughter.  A sister.  An aunt.  A granddaughter.  A friend.

But kids, they are so cruel.  They teased her.  Called her names.  Tried to fight her.  Did fight her.  Punched her.

She just couldn’t take anymore.

Suicide is never final.  For the family and friends left behind it’s a pain that doesn’t end.  There are so many questions with so few answers.  The lives of these people are forever changed.

If anything ‘positve’ can come from such a tragic event my hope is that it’s this:

Be mindful of the words you use towards others for their impact is far greater than you could ever imagine.  Kindness is always the answer. I believe that so strongly I tattooed the phrase ‘kindness can change the world’ on my wrist.  I look at that phrase every single minute of every single day.  It is a constant reminder that I possess the power to impact others.

I hope I wield that power well.

Peace be with you Emily.  You are gone, but not forgotten, Lady.  I hope you found the peace you were seeking and that as you look down upon your family and friends you see how loved you are.

You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one…

Oct31

You ever have one of those moments, one of those feelings?  A sense that you needed to do something?  Those feelings are rare, to be sure.  But they are deeply profound… even if you don’t know why at the moment.

We had one of those feelings tonight.  We left work right on time to go to the polls since we live in a state that allows early voting (and if you live in one that allows early voting as well I HIGHLY recommend doing it – total time door to door… 15 minutes).  We ran our regular ‘on the way home’ errands and decided we would go to Freeb!rds for dinner since we hadn’t been in a while and well, after camping out in the parking lot for a day, it’d be free.  We went inside and got in line and waited while other people got in line behind us.

While we were all waiting to give our order, the gentleman behind us struck up a conversation.  The enormity of the Super Monster was the conversation catalyst.  We all chatted cordially while we were waiting, and we found out that our new food line friend had never been to a Freeb!irds before.  So, we explained what it was about, what we liked and what the secret to the perfect burrito is – hint: ask for the queso.  The three of us chatted all the way through the line and our friend seemed so appreciative of our vast burrito knowledge.

When we went to ‘pay’ for our burritos, Brett told the cashier to put our friend’s burrito on his tab.  Granted we each have a bajillion free burritos, so there wasn’t any actual monetary transaction, but still.  When our friend went to pay for his food the cashier told him we had already covered it and all he needed to pay for was his drink.  He seemed so genuinely thrilled and so happy.  He thanked us and we told him to have a good night, and headed out the door to head home to eat and watch the Jayhawks.

As we started to pull out of the parking lot, Brett said he felt like we should go back inside and sit and eat with our new friend.  So, we did.  We got another parking spot.  Took our to go burritos inside and walked up to our friend and asked if we could join him for dinner.  As it turns out he was also meeting a friend there, so we got to enjoy the company of two new friends – double bonus!

Brett and I are very blessed to have the highest quality humans in our lives, and we have so much fun with them – Henderson Halloween Party, anyone?  But tonight was one of the most fun evenings I’ve had in a long while.

We learned about our new friend; his name, where he is from, what he does for a living.  We learned that he is a board member for a charity group that does amazing work right here in our very own community.  It was just a really beautiful moment.  All because we had a feeling that we should go back and eat dinner with a complete stranger.

I am so glad we did.

As we were walking back to the car Brett said to me ‘imagine what the world would be like if more people did that.’

Imagine, indeed.

I say it often.  I literally wear it on my ‘sleeve’ (technically it’s my wrist).  I truly believe it….

Kindness can change the world.

Mine was changed a little bit tonight.

Thank you new friend, and thank you universe for giving us the sense to turn around.